Heute mal auf Deutsch, müsst ihr den Google-Translator halt fragen :P
So, ich hab mir Gedanken gemacht, viele Gedanken. Die neuerlichen Ereignisse lassen mich einfach nicht mehr los.
Ich bin einfach nur so wahnsinnig enttäuscht, so enttäuscht, dass all die Arbeit, all die Zeit, Energie und Kraft, mein ganzes Herzblut, dass das anscheinend nichts mehr zählt. Man wird behandelt wie ein Aussätziger. Nur warum? Was hab ich getan? Was hab ich falsch gemacht?
Das ist alles, was ich wissen will. Dann könnte ich es vielleicht verstehen. Aber wahrscheinlich gibt es keinen Grund. Oder zumindest keinen, der wirklich einen Sinn ergebn würde. Ich war loyal, immer! Ich hab Dinge für mich behalten, die ich auch hätte an die Presse verkaufen können. Ich habe nie jemanden belästigt, nie genervt. Gearbeitet wie eine Biene. Aber nichts ist es wert.
Ich hätte wissen müssen, wie falsch diese Leute sind. Ausgenutzt haben sie mich und jetzt ist alles egal. Ich bin egal. Und ich frage mich, wie ich jemals Gefühle haben konnte für ihn. Und ich frage mich, ob all die Worte jemals wahr gewesen sind. Ob er jemals meinte, was er sagte. Was ist denn passiert? Was ist passiert, dass all das nichts mehr gilt, dass all das einfach weg ist.
Es kann doch nicht sein, dass die Märchen eines einzelnen Idioten mehr Gewicht haben als alles, was jemals zwischen uns gesagt und getan worden ist.
Hochgelobt wurde ich, der rote Teppich wäre für mich ausgerollt worden, man hätte mich auf Händen getragen. Doch jetzt wurde ich verstoßen! Rausgeschmissen, als wäre ich wie jede andere, oder gar schlimmer! Aber das schlimmste ist, dass ich sie nicht hassen kann. Dass ich sie trotz allem noch liebe! Ich wurde gedemütigt, und trotzdem komm ich nicht los!
Ich wünschte es wäre wie früher, es wäre wieder so! Ich wünschte ich wäre wieder eure, SEINE Prinzessin! Aber das wird nie wieder so sein. Es ist kaputt und ich weiß nicht, warum...
ABER: ich will nicht traurig sein. Ich weiß, es gibt Menschen, die schätzen meine Arbeit. Und ich weiß, sie glauben mir, sie kennen die Wahrheit! Und ich weiß, sie unterstützen mich!
Und deswegen liebe ich sie! Und vielleicht geschieht bald etwas großes! Wenn das Herz ersteinmal wieder frei ist, dann schwebt es und vielleicht findet es seinen Weg zu jemandem, der besser damit umgeht!
Ich liebe euch alle
PRINCESS :-*
Mittwoch, 13. Oktober 2010
Montag, 4. Oktober 2010
Liberec
Back from Liberec and not happy about.
I have the same feeling as I had after Einsiedeln and I m so happy that there will be no skijumping for some time now.
Well let´s start at the beginning.
On tuesday I went to visit Lisa for the first time. Of course trains were late (as usual) but I am used to it. It was a nice evening and I was so excited and looking forward to the upcoming days.
So on wednesday we started early in the morning our way to Liberec, everything went well until we arrived in town and searched the hostel (the navigator didn´t know the adress and we were cruising around for 2 hours until we finally found it with the help of a nice young couple). We hoped everything would go well, we went downtown to have some dinner and met some teams ("Look how funny, that guy looks like Pekka, and that one like Ville. Oh wait, it IS Ville and this IS Pekka" LOOOOOL) Ignorance ruelz, right?
Next morning we wanted to have some breakfast, but there was none and we had to pay for coffee :(
But we still were optimistic and went downtown again to the "Team-Hotel" to ask for the akkreditations. Guess who we met. Pekka!! (looool) and a minute later Matti! (those smokers again, I still don´t know what his problem is, but it seems he really doesnt like me). Inside the hotel, no akkreditation...
We had some coffee then in Mäcces and went to the hill. Ladys training was over but it was fun mens trainings and quali. we stood there in service right between the team containers and nobody cared at all. (ignorance part 2 lool, damn i must be so important to him...) All in all we´ve been 7 spectators. Everything felt well still and in the evening we went out for a beer.
Next day, still no akkredition (yeah we got the mail on Friday, dammit we didn´t have internet!) but again we went into service as we did the day before. Ladys comp was fun and the girls are so nice!
And for that nobody cared (and we also were there during quali) we just stayed in service while the men-teams arrived. there was only one problem: Some certain person (who wasn´t there in thursday) saw us standing there and went to the security and told them to kick us out. They did! (Thank you, you dirty bastard! Thanks for destroying everything I love!!) And because we had no akkreditation we had to go to the grandstand. it was cold, it was stupid, 100 drunken polish guys around, no possiblity to take fotos! It just sucked!
Actually we wanted to party hard in the night be we both were pissed and tired so we didn´t and just had a vodka in our room.
Also I never was more homesick then those days. It was just shitty crap. And I really feel so much hurt!
We went home then (not to klingenthal) and shared a part of the way with slowenian team. Until they got into a police controll! LOOOL Fasten your seatbelt! hehe
Well that was it so far.... No more skijumping until GAP!! Enough stalked! Let the rumours fly, I fly as well! :P
Next week university starts again and my life will go it´s ordinary way with my true fans who appreciate me and the things I do for them! they are grateful at least and I love them!
So that´s it
hugs and kisses
I have the same feeling as I had after Einsiedeln and I m so happy that there will be no skijumping for some time now.
Well let´s start at the beginning.
On tuesday I went to visit Lisa for the first time. Of course trains were late (as usual) but I am used to it. It was a nice evening and I was so excited and looking forward to the upcoming days.
So on wednesday we started early in the morning our way to Liberec, everything went well until we arrived in town and searched the hostel (the navigator didn´t know the adress and we were cruising around for 2 hours until we finally found it with the help of a nice young couple). We hoped everything would go well, we went downtown to have some dinner and met some teams ("Look how funny, that guy looks like Pekka, and that one like Ville. Oh wait, it IS Ville and this IS Pekka" LOOOOOL) Ignorance ruelz, right?
Next morning we wanted to have some breakfast, but there was none and we had to pay for coffee :(
But we still were optimistic and went downtown again to the "Team-Hotel" to ask for the akkreditations. Guess who we met. Pekka!! (looool) and a minute later Matti! (those smokers again, I still don´t know what his problem is, but it seems he really doesnt like me). Inside the hotel, no akkreditation...
We had some coffee then in Mäcces and went to the hill. Ladys training was over but it was fun mens trainings and quali. we stood there in service right between the team containers and nobody cared at all. (ignorance part 2 lool, damn i must be so important to him...) All in all we´ve been 7 spectators. Everything felt well still and in the evening we went out for a beer.
Next day, still no akkredition (yeah we got the mail on Friday, dammit we didn´t have internet!) but again we went into service as we did the day before. Ladys comp was fun and the girls are so nice!
And for that nobody cared (and we also were there during quali) we just stayed in service while the men-teams arrived. there was only one problem: Some certain person (who wasn´t there in thursday) saw us standing there and went to the security and told them to kick us out. They did! (Thank you, you dirty bastard! Thanks for destroying everything I love!!) And because we had no akkreditation we had to go to the grandstand. it was cold, it was stupid, 100 drunken polish guys around, no possiblity to take fotos! It just sucked!
Actually we wanted to party hard in the night be we both were pissed and tired so we didn´t and just had a vodka in our room.
Also I never was more homesick then those days. It was just shitty crap. And I really feel so much hurt!
We went home then (not to klingenthal) and shared a part of the way with slowenian team. Until they got into a police controll! LOOOL Fasten your seatbelt! hehe
Well that was it so far.... No more skijumping until GAP!! Enough stalked! Let the rumours fly, I fly as well! :P
Next week university starts again and my life will go it´s ordinary way with my true fans who appreciate me and the things I do for them! they are grateful at least and I love them!
So that´s it
hugs and kisses
the princess
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